Tanya kicked off the day with an early morning with her typical "interrogation" style email to me out of the blue... I'm excited about starting new... and here she comes... it's the story of my life.
I had just sat down at the computer... and here 30 secs later... this pops up.
at: 7:46am
"And this is what you just did......you know you tried again this week to say you stoped after I asked you to leave in DEC 2009, but the lie you told about installing a tv was this past new years eve!!!! incredible. What time? what space? are you trying to con me into thinking was real? What are attributing to any level of honesty and fidelity?"
She's talking about a party that never happened.. because when we got there... she came on her cycle while they were having sex....
All I could do was grit and bare it....
a few mins. later... this:
"so did that party happen?"
She's referring to the 8 Ball Corner pocket party...
Then this....
you were sleeping with strangers every week until i left in June 2010, and often sleeping with me on the same day as your parties....WOW!!!!!
You are amazing.
Well... I explained that I never slept with her, the same night I went to a party. It was just a rule of mine.. whether she believes it or not.. it's TRUE.
Back to what I really want to talk about.
Meeting Charley this morning... gives me hope that I can really get somewhere and find out when, where and how I got off track. I know Charley needs to make him money, but I really think he can help me. He said... I really need to rely on Jesus, and he also mentioned needing to enlist Tanya's help as well. I asked her.. and she obliged.
I'm really looking forward to the next session, and realized I should have been doing it all along.
When I call, her spirits DROP. When she calls me, she's monotone. She came to drop off Autumn and the kids, while she went shopping at BJ's, and when she walked in, she avoided eye contact and went out of her way not to hug me... and barely said bye.
This SHIT SUCKS!!!!
I'm going to suck it up... but if this is an indication of what's it going to be like dealing with her.... I'm not looking forward to the haul!
I promised her... I am willing to do anything... and so I guess.. she's going to make sure she tests my ass to the max. It's cold...and it hurts... so I often ask myself.. is it worth it. I've been dealing with the cold bs off and on throughout the marriage.. but it's never been this bad. I really hate this position with her... but should I really expect anything else... after 20(+) years of dealing with her. Her mind is made up... she's going to do it her way... or the highway, but the problem with that... there is NO END IN SIGHT.
I know I know ... keep hope alive!
And last but not least,
Talked to Coach tonight... he said, they were told they would get funds this week, and he promised to send me $20K no later than Monday. We will see... because time will tell.
Todays temptation:
1) Aprile text me a few times, just really trying to get a far away from her as humanly possible. She hasn't been in contact with me for several months... now all of a sudden, she's calling every other day. She can't call or text now... because I got the number changed today from 678.858.1378 new number: 770.864.0792.
THANK GOD!
Porn:
I really wanted to get on a couple of porn sites tonight, but I can honestly say... I didn't. It's really tough... but this is a temptation that I'm going to resist. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me... and Lord knows I need it!
GN... see you tomorrow!
No comments:
Post a Comment